


Fireflies

by SwarleySparkles95



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 02:22:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7666630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwarleySparkles95/pseuds/SwarleySparkles95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco and Jean had been through school together for 13 years and shared many firsts together. First sleepover, first movie outing alone, first alcoholic drink, first house party, first hang over (that had not been pretty), first cigarette, first illegal drug- they’d done it all. At the age of 16 Jean realised there was another first he wanted with Marco and as much as he wanted to do a no-homo, flat out denial that he didn’t have romantic feelings for his best friend he knew it was pointless. He didn’t want to just sleep with Marco, although that was definitely part of it, he wanted the whole hand holding, stereotyped romantic relationships rom-coms showed but with less drama and more reality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fireflies

Marco and Jean had been best friends forever, or at least it always seemed that way. When Jean was 5 he moved from France to Trost and, being surprisingly shy as a child, had difficulty making friends. Marco had spotted him on his first day at primary school, sitting at the back of the class hands fiddling in his lap, avoiding eye contact with anyone who looked at him. Jean reasoned most kids in his class probably already thought he was weird with his unusual hair but what really worried him was his accent. In this new place it sounded awkward and it made him terrified to talk. However Marco’s friendly, charismatic and happy demeanour quickly kicked in and he didn’t hesitate in approaching him at break time.  
“Hi, I’m Marco” Marco beamed as he stuck out a pudgy hand for Jean to shake. Jean simply looked back, frightened like a dear caught in headlights.  
“You’re Jean right?” Jean couldn’t help but be impressed. March had not only remembered the name of the random new kid but actually managed to get the pronunciation right.  
Jean simply settled on nodding, still too nervous to speak in case his accent provoked teasing but figuring that Marco seemed to be harmless so far.  
“Wanna play outside?”  
Desperate for company and without needing to think Jean nodded as Marco’s smile grew so much he thought it might split his face. The first day consisted of Marco doing all the talking, Jean remaining silent and nodding where appropriate. It wasn’t until a week later that Jean finally got the courage to say anything, unthinkingly voicing that yes Batman was also his favourite hero of all time. Marco had a grin plastered all over his face and Jean froze worried he was about to burst into fits of laughter but instead was taken aback when Marco flung his arms around him for a big hug and excitedly prattled on about how ecstatic he was to have Jean finally talking to him. From that moment on Jean loosened up and acted like himself.  
Marcos’ family was quick to adopt him as practically a second son and his confidence grew. Jean still faced bullies at school for his accent which didn’t wear off till the age of 10, and this made him defensive and abrasive- often overcompensating for his insecurity. However Marco was always the exception and the only one to know how sensitive Jean really was. At times Marco got pissed when Jean started fights he could have avoided, let’s be honest who wouldn’t get annoyed sometimes, but was quick to calm him down and stay by his side. The bullies bothered him but as long as he had Marco he could deal with it. And that proved to be both brilliant and horrifying at the same time.  
Marco and Jean had been through school together for 13 years and shared many firsts together. First sleepover, first movie outing alone, first alcoholic drink, first house party, first hang over (that had not been pretty), first cigarette, first illegal drug- they’d done it all. At the age of 16 Jean realised there was another first he wanted with Marco and as much as he wanted to do a no-homo, flat out denial that he didn’t have romantic feelings for his best friend he knew it was pointless. He didn’t want to just sleep with Marco, although that was definitely part of it, he wanted the whole hand holding, stereotyped romantic relationships rom-coms showed but with less drama and more reality.  
At 17 something happened that couldn’t have made Jean simultaneously happier and sadder.  
“Hey Jean, can I talk to you after school?” Marco whispered as they sorted through their lockers before their final period. Jean loved hearing Marco whisper and found it way too much of a turn on for school hours and had to shake his head to clear his thoughts.  
“Oh, um, are you busy?”  
Realising what he’d done Jean wanted to smack himself and quickly backtracked.  
“What? Oh right sorry. Yeah no I’m free- sorry mind was elsewhere.” Jean replied Good thing you don’t know where He added privately.  
“Great thanks.” Marco seemed to smile but swallowed nervously before turning to head over to his last class.  
Jean instantly started to internally worry. What the hell was going on? What did he want to talk about? Was he in some kind of trouble? Jean sat in his final period glazing over his work, the teachers’ words sounding fuzzy and everything going by in a blur.  
When he came out to his locker to meet Marco, he found Marco twiddling his thumbs and biting his lower lip- both nervous traits of Marco’s he’d learnt over the years.  
“Ready?” Jean managed to actually sound pretty chipper which was impressive for him normally let alone in this state of worry.  
“Sure.”  
The walk home was almost normal, the conversation still flowed but Jean sensed some apprehension on Marcos’ front which then rubbed off on him. Without even discussing where to head they made their way to Jean’s tree house which he still had despite it having been built when he was 7 as a play house for him and Marco. They lived a couple of streets from each other but Jean’s parents had been so thrilled that he’d made such a good friend that they made the house especially for the two of them and it held a lot of memories. It’s where they had their first sleep over and where they designed their Halloween costumes every year. It was their special place and no one else’s.  
They crawled their way inside and sat opposite each other backs pressed against the walls in an awkward silence. Jean prayed this news was something that wasn’t life changing and just asking for help with homework or something dumb he would get annoyed at Marco for later. God forbid Marco had had enough of him.  
“So, um I need to tell you something which I’ve only really told my family and no one else” Marco started nervously pulling at his sleeve and avoiding eye contact.  
“Okay, you know you can tell me anything.” Jean attempted in what he hoped was a comforting tone. Marco had always been the one with the talent with people but when he was involved Jean tried his hardest.  
“It’s just it may make you uncomfortable and I don’t want anything to come between us.”  
Jean’s heart leapt for a second before plummeting back down again. _No you idiot he doesn’t like you more than a friend, why would he tell his family that?! Oh god is he sick? Is he worried I’m going to treat him like a fragile object if he is? What if I lose him?_  
Whilst Jean was having an internal freak out Marco took a deep breath and pushed himself on.  
“But I guess you’re going to have to find out sooner or later, I mean I can’t hide it forever. So, um, the thing is…I’m gay.”  
Jean’s heart stopped before starting again and beating at three times the rate it was before. He wished he could say he felt over the moon that there was a higher chance Marco liked him back but all he could think about was how Marco would probably still go off with another guy and it would hurt even worse than with a girl because there could have been a chance of it being with him. Just because Marco was gay it didn’t automatically mean Jean was his type.  
“That’s it? Man don’t scare me like that, Jesus” Jean managed to wheeze out before pulling Marco in for a hug and trying desperately hard to stop himself from taking in the amazing way Marco smelt without being a weirdo.  
“You’re not weirded out? At all?” Marco managed to squeak.  
“Nope. We’re all good. Nothing needs to change.” He replied with a small smile pulling back to look at Marco.  
Jean could have sworn he saw Marco’s smile drop a little at that but scolded himself for being so hopeful before turning conversation to that new movie they wanted to see. He knew he had the opportunity to tell Marco about being not so straight himself (Bi? Pan? He wasn’t so sure yet) but what if Marco then figured out he had a crush on him? He didn’t know how obvious he was now but if Marco was under the impression he was straight he’s not gonna think it right? And their relationship would remain intact- at least those were Jean’s thoughts on the matter.  
Which brought him to the present, the summer before university. Jean was staying in Trost to study Politics and Art whilst Marco was leaving to study English literature in Jinea. Luckily they were only an hour apart but it was still a change both were dreading. As a final get away Marco had managed to secure his family’s house in Tuscany, Italy for the whole group to go for a couple of weeks. It was a beautiful old mill house which had been converted and was in the middle of the mountains not too far from Piza. Connie, Sasha, Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Annie , Bert and Reiner were coming with Krista and Ymir joining them half way through travelling from Rome where they were staying the week before. Aged 14 Jean would have been a jittery mess at the thought of staying in the same house as Mikasa, whom he was infatuated with for a solid 6 months. But now he felt nothing but a friendly feeling towards her. His crush on Marco was deeper, less shallow. He loved everything about Marco, even the things that he shouldn’t like how grumpy he is when he’s tired or how he feels guilty when he shouldn’t or his atrocious inability to give directions. Somehow they all became endearing to Jean. To be honest he probably always had feelings towards the older boy but didn’t understand them until he was older.  
Travelling was exhausting. The flight was only two hours but they had to get up at 3am to get to the airport for 5am. If there was one thing Jean couldn’t stand it was crying babies. And low and behold there was a crying baby behind them in the queue for bag drop. Jean rolled his eyes and groaned- this was going to be a long day. The crying abruptly stopped and was replaced by shy and quite giggling.  
“Why am I not even a little surprised?” He could hear Sasha exclaim in a tone which combined amusement with a tad of swooning. Jean would have liked to have persistently insisted that the sight he saw when he turned round didn’t make him swoon too. Jean would be lying.  
Marco was crouched on his knees in front of the once crying baby with his hand wrapped in tiny fingers as he gently cooed and softly spoke to it. The parents looks beyond relieved and were thrilled to learn Marco was sitting behind them on the flight. Jean was simultaneously jealous that the baby had the right to hold Marco’s hand and he didn’t and both loving and hating the idea of seeing Marco with the baby again. Sure it was cute but he wanted his attention dammit. He then berated himself for being jealous of a baby.  
Finally after a flight that felt longer than it really was (probably through Jean’s determination to look away from Marco playing peek a boo with the previous baby which was too cute for his heart to handle) and a van ride filled with Marco’s poor navigation they finally arrived.  
“YOU DIDN’T SAY IT HAD A POOL!!” Sasha practically screamed as she dropped her suitcases on the ground and straight out cannon balled into the pool with her clothes still on. Connie burst into hysterics and followed in after her. Jean rolled his eyes but was subtly watching Marco giggle. _Cute_. Everyone ran inside to dump bags and grab swim gear but Marco seemed to lag in the kitchen.  
“Aren’t you gonna swim?” Jean asked walking up to him and leaning on the counter top. It was a traditional Italian kitchen with herbs hanging from the top of the stove, a breakfast counter in the middle, kitchen essentials and the biggest fridge he had even seen. On the light orange walls paintings of traditional Italian cities decorated the room as well as a calendar displaying the tower of Piza.  
“Maybe later. Sasha’s gonna go mad if she doesn’t have food soon and I don’t want to explain that damage to my family. I can swim later.” Marco explained in an amused manner.  
“I’ll stay with you help out, keep you company, whatever”. Smooth Jean, smooth.  
“You sure? I don’t want you to miss out?”  
I’d miss out if I wasn’t in here with you Jean thought privately but simply replied with “Nah I can swim later”.  
Marco smiled and grabbed everything he needed before beginning to cook. Without meaning to stereotype Marco fit the typical Italian in his ability to cook. He grabbed his laptop to play the Hamilton soundtrack he’d been obsessing over the past couple of months in the background and Jean couldn’t find it in himself to complain despite having heard it over a million times. He couldn’t deny it was catchy as hell. He’d also bought Marco tickets on a whim despite it being past his birthday and nowhere near Christmas. The tickets were for November so he reasoned he could claim it was an early Christmas present rather than the truth. He knew Marco would love to see it but couldn’t afford it so Jean bought them because he wanted to do anything in his power to make Marco happy, regardless of the big price tag and just because he could and Marco deserved it.  
Whilst grabbing utensils Jean playfully bumped his hip with Marcos’ causing Marco to spin round spoon in hand and splattering tomato sauce on Jean’s face. Marco burst out laughing whilst Jean gave his typical ‘are you shitting me’ face, even if there were upturns to his mouth where he was trying not to smile.  
“I’m so sorry” Marco managed between peals of laughter and reached up to wipe it from his cheek. Jean flinched at the contact on his skin which seemed to burn in the best way possible as his face flushed red.  
“ Sorry” Marco said quietly- this time more genuinely apologetic than the time before and seemed to shrink back into himself before turning away. Jean felt like a dick, Marco probably though he found it too gay when in reality it was the opposite. It wasn’t enough and he wanted so much more.  
Eren burst into the kitchen at that moment and started blabbing to Marco about something stupid Connie had done in the pool and the tension seemed to dissolve. Everyone came in from the pool and grabbed at food and wine chatting nosily before breaking into more alcohol supplies. Sasha then grabbed a bag of the biggest marshmallows any of them had ever seen and lit up the BBQ to make smores and baileys hot chocolates even though it was the height of summer. The travelling was exhausting for everyone and they all made their way to their rooms.  
Jean knew it was toeing the line to share a room with Marco but having done it their whole lives it would offend Marco not to. That and even if Jean knew it was totally inappropriate to admire your best friend sleeping and taking advantage of the fact they are an insanely heavy sleeper to kiss them on the forehead , it wasn’t going to stop him.  
The next couple of days followed a regular pattern of lazy mornings swimming, reading, sleeping or simply sunbathing followed by lunch and excursions into local Italian towns in the afternoon. Jean had heard Marco speak Italian to his parents and siblings before but hearing him speak it fluently here was a whole other story and his squirming had nothing to do with his mosquito bites when Eren asked him so much as a problem with boxers feeling tighter.  
At the end of week one Krista and Ymir arrived from Rome, all smiles and happiness. Well at least Krista was, Ymir was more of a satisfied smirk and a devilish air of someone who wants to cause some trouble- fun, adolescent trouble not actual bitchy trouble.  
It always surprised Jean how close Ymir and Marco actually were considering their differing personalities but then he realised the same could be said about him. One night he accidentally eavesdropped on them as they sat on the back stairs of the villa whilst Ymir was taking a drag from a cigarette.  
“So have you done anything about it yet?”  
“It’s not that simple, Ymir.”  
“You’re making it more complicated than it needs to be.”  
“ Are you even thinking of the risks here? I don’t wanna loose this.”  
“But you could gain so much more.”  
“Or I could lose what I already have Ymir.”  
Was Marco betting or something? Nah that didn’t seem like him. What the hell were they talking about then?  
“Where’s your upbeat attitude Bodt? You’re the optimistic one- stop making me do it, it doesn’t suit me, like at all.”  
Jean heard Marco laugh softly and was heartened that his friend wasn’t so distressed so as not to have a sense of humour.  
“I’m just saying I think you have a chance. Don’t make yourself unhappy if you don’t need to.’ Jean then heard her kiss him on the forehead, for which he felt a huge swell of jealousy creep up inside him, and head towards him at which point in the quietest manner possible he bolted inside.  
Jean raced up into bed and gathered himself under the covers in time so that when Marco came into their room he believed Jean was asleep. Marco seemed to watch Jean for a minute making him worried Marco was gonna call him out on his bullshit and tell him to get up but he seemed to simply sigh loudly before going to bed himself.  
The next few days continued as they had before , lazy mornings, day trips and Jean trying not to get flustered seeing Marco topless in a pool despite having known him for practically his whole life and attempting to tame his crush for just over two years.  
Then one night was different. Marco and Jean were the last two awake sitting outside near the biggest tree in the huge garden, sitting on the old Mill stones and watching the stars. It was perfect in a completely sappy and romantic way and try as hard as he might Jean struggled more than he ever had before with his crush. He could confess everything, finally get it off his chest and maybe if things went badly the new distance which came with university would make things easier but the fear of rejection loomed over him. He couldn’t lose Marco. Marco was literally everything to him- his memories were filled with Marco, his friends all mutual friends with Marco and every experience or place he’d been to in clear memory was with Marco.  
“I’m actually really nervous about going to uni” Marco pipped up breaking Jean’s train of thought.  
“If anyone is going to make friends at a new place it’s going to be you Marco”.  
Once the words were out a realisation hit Jean like a tonne of bricks. New people. New people that could replace him as a best friend. Even worse the possibility of a new lover in Marcos life. Jeans heart squeezed at the thought and he turned his gaze to the stars to try and clear his mind.  
“ I dunno. I’m a pretty big dork” Marco chuckled. “Sure loads of people love Game of Thrones but how many like stuff like Undertale, Ib and the really weird stuff we play. Plus we’re a couple of idiots with really stupid senses of humour and in-jokes. I’m sure I’ll meet people it just won’t be the same. I’ll miss you a lot.”  
Jean’s heart soured and plummeted at the same time. God he was going to miss Marco. He’d been trying desperately to put it out of his mind but being faced with the reality he felt his eyes get wetter.  
“Hey, look” Marco gently touched his arm sending sparks in its wake and pointed to across the garden. Flickering lights that looked like fairy lights seemed to be drifting slowly towards them. Fireflies.  
“I’ve never seen them in real life before” Jean mumbled staring in fascination. More appeared until practically a whole colony surrounded them making the garden look like something out of a fairy tale. The light of the full moon shone brightly down on them and the atmosphere became magical. Jean turned to look at Marco’s awe struck expression and was bowled over by how beautiful he is.  
“I love you so much and you don’t have a clue” He thought. Or at least he thought he thought it. But in a careless moment the words had actually been spoken. And within a span of that single second the atmosphere was broken.  
“Wh-What?”  
Shit. Well it’s fucked up enough already – might as well get it all off my chest once and for all.  
“I, um, I’m sorry.” Jean managed to squeak and continued to ramble. “I don’t want things to be awkward between us and I know I shouldn’t have said anything and that you don’t return the feelings. I guess I just had to say it.”  
Marco just stared blankly ahead of him, pale and clearly still in utter shock. Jean took this as confirmation of his one-sided feelings and did the only thing that seemed natural. He bolted past Marco, through the gate and ran. Town was normally a 20 minute walk but running he could get there in 10. He couldn’t be around Marco tonight. He had no idea what to do once he got there but all he knew was he needed to be away and nurse his broken heart alone. Marco seemed to be routed to the spot when Jean had cautiously looked back over his shoulder when reaching the gate and his tears spilled over.  
Finally he reached the top of the hill where the town lay and collapsed onto the grass covered ground staring up at the sky as his vision became blurry. He let out a loud sniff and blinked to get rid of the tears. He’d messed up big time and scolded himself for being so careless. Part of him pitied himself, he felt pathetic for pinning so much but he couldn’t help it. Marco was basically a saint so really, Jean reasoned, it was his fault.  
“Jean?!” A panicked call filled the air and Jean winced. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He knew he’d cause worry but in the state he was in he didn’t care.  
“Jean, please!”  
The worry in Marco’s voice filled Jean with sadness and he desperately didn’t want Marco to see him like this, sniffling, wet eyed and pathetic sprawled out in the grass hiding from everything.  
“Thank god.”  
Fuck. Marco had found him.  
“Don’t you ever run off like that again Jean you scared the living crap out of me.” Marco rarely got angry but when he did he cussed and Jean had to admit it was hot.  
Jean remain silent and sat up, staring at the ground. He sensed Marco sit beside him and felt that at least Marco might entertain the idea of still being friends.  
“You’re such an idiot.” Or not.  
Jean slumped down even further which he didn’t even think was possible as his heart shattered into tiny fragments.  
“How did you not notice I love you too?”  
Jeans head snapped up so fast he thought it clicked but he didn’t give a damn. Marco was smiling shyly and played the hem of his shirt sleeve.  
“But I’m an asshole. I’m nowhere near good enough.” Jean chocked out.  
Marco gave a soft laugh.  
“Says who Jean? Sure you can be crass and sarcastic, you have a short temper and you snore super loud”, Marco giggled “But you’re also honest, genuine and you’re super sweet when you want to be and you make me happy. I wouldn’t change you for the world.”  
Marco shyly but steadily moved his hand to touch Jean’s cheek and leaned in. Not believing his luck Jean leaned in too until their lips were touching. Jean had waited years for this and he wasn’t disappointed as an eruption of butterflies fluttered in his gut and a smile spread over his features. Marco deepened the kiss and let out a satisfied sigh before pulling away.  
“I’ve wanted to do that for 8 years.” Marco grinned.  
“Eight years?! And you didn’t say anything why the hell not?”  
Marco blushed and looked away.  
“I didn’t think you’d want it. I mean for all I knew you were straight- remember Mikasa?”  
Jean groaned. If he could take that time back he would. It was pretty shallow stuff and he cringed.  
“So what are you bi?” Marco quietly asked, a tad afraid of the answer.  
“Yeah.” Jean sighed.  
“How long have you known?”  
“Well my crush on you went full pelt about two years ago.”  
That got Marco’s attention.  
“Wait, wait, wait so you had a crush on me when you knew I was gay? Why didn’t you say anything?”  
“Didn’t want to lose you” Jean mumbled. _Oh no_ thought Marco. _That was too cute._  
Marco grinned before pouncing on Jean and pushing him back into the grass and kissing him senseless.  
This would be the story they would tell people at uni when people asked how they progressed from friends to lovers. The story that Jean liked to think about on the train to visit Marco at uni. The story they ended up telling their two daughters when they were happily married and settled down in their thirties. Both of them thought it the best love story there was, because it was theirs.


End file.
